The challenges of being a couple

Are you constantly navigating your way around and through your relationships in order to avoid conflict? Does this leave you feeling like you are constantly on edge, worried about the next meltdown, wondering how what once felt so good could have become such a problem? There is a type of vigilance that comes from this constant navigating and it can leave you feeling exhausted. Pascha Therapy can help you address all emotionally charged challenges.

Are you feeling overwhelmed?

Maybe you feel things intensely and feel every nuance that occurs. This can also leave you feeling exhausted if you do not know how to make sense of all that you are feeling. It may be difficult to discern perhaps what belongs to you and what belongs to somebody else. This in turn can leave you feeling anxious and unsure of how to support yourself. You can feel that other people are ‘right’ and you most definitely have got it ‘wrong’. When you feel that you have got it ‘wrong’ then there is no sense of Self to support you and this can leave you feeling disempowered.

Right versus right arguments?

If however you are the one that thinks that you are ‘right’ all the time take a moment to consider how this may feel to your partner (who most likely feels like they have it ‘wrong’). Right versus right debates are common in relationships when couples have lost the ability to hear each other and negotiate an inclusive way forward. Often one party wants to discuss from how they feel, while the other resorts to reason. Clash! One may get emotionally worked up, the other may retreat. Dead end!

Addressing conflict patterns

These conflict patterns are common and come with many variations on a theme and there is so much to learn from both sides. What couples fail to realise (because no one has ever taught them) is that such debating requires ‘solutions’ that are invisible. The way forward is found in the feelings that are generated by differences. As an accredited Pascha Therapist I will support you to clarify what you’re feeling and what these feelings are alerting you to in terms of needs, preferences and desires.

Unmet needs and values

After some time one of you may just give up on your needs and being heard and/or may decide to leave the relationship. Couples fail to recognise that arguments are caused by unmet needs or values differences that their feelings are trying to alert them to. So the holy grail is to learn what your feelings are alerting you to before you can have a discussion with your partner. Arguments arise when hidden feelings or unmet needs demand attention.

Why Pascha Therapy works

Feelings need to be felt, known and identified if a way forward is to be found. Partners can be supported to hear these feelings, and the expressed associated needs hidden beneath once they’ve learned how to manage their own tendencies to be reactive. To survive any relationship, every couple must learn to negotiate calmly, knowing that they must talk in such a way that both parties can hear and understand.

Fast track your personal growth

All relationships are an opportunity for personal growth and development. If seen in this light then the pain of what is sometimes stimulated (and felt) can feel purposeful. Asking yourself what am I feeling? What is the emotional trigger? Gaining insight and awareness to your inner processes helps undo the knots created from past trauma.

This is an age old process

Carl Jung called our reactive and defensive nature our dark side, our shadow. The shadow is what lies in our unconscious and therefore can determine our thinking and actions. This means that our life is driven unconsciously by reactivity we cannot seem to manage. By learning to listen to all feelings non judgmentally ultimately means that you begin to learn about who you truly are and what lies hidden.

Crafting Quality Relationships

I co-facilitate workshops with my husband Jeff Saunders, who offers relationship courses on a regular basis. Further information on these courses can be found on his website at:

Pascha Therapy Appointments

Prices: My hourly fee is just $120 for Pascha Therapy.
Therapy Session length: Individual Pascha Therapy appointments are one hour long, although occasionally when I am seeing couples for the first time (or maybe even the second time), I suggest an hour and a half. This gives plenty of time to get a sense of the dynamic between a couple and for each party to feel heard and understood. All appointments are confidential. Supervision is a requirement in Pascha Therapy in order to ensure standards of practice are maintained.
Online Pascha Therapy sessions: I also see people online in order to be available to those who are out of town. Generally I use Zoom for this.

Venue: 59 Aynsley Tce, Hillsborough, Christchurch

Times for individual sessions with Lucy
Tuesday: 12pm – 6.30pm
Wednesday: 12pm – 5.30pm
Thursday: 12pm – 6.30pm
Friday: 12pm – 6.30pm

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